Ben and Rachel are Quakers and, God willing, their wedding will be carried out in the manner of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) under the care of Beacon Hill Friends Meeting.

Because many of our guests are not Quaker, frequently asked questions are included below.

A Quaker wedding is different from most other weddings. For instance, no officiant presides over the wedding, because Friends believe that no person can unite a couple in marriage–only the Love of God can. Quaker weddings can initially be a bit strange to first-timers, but they can also be moving and a lot of fun.

We will all enter and sit in silence. Once all have gathered, a Quaker elder will stand and explain how things will proceed, for those who haven’t read this webpage. We will settle into silent worship. Out of the silence, Rachel and Ben will exchange vows, thereby marrying each other.

After the vows, anyone in attendance may stand up and share a message if moved to do so, including (but not limited to) reflections, prayers, songs, and quotations. The message may be about marriage in general or about Ben and Rachel in particular. It may contain personal memories of Rachel or Ben or be about the speaker’s own marriage. It may contain well-wishes, thoughtful reflection, poetry, or song. What is appropriate is limited only by the leadings of the speaker. No one should come to a Quaker meeting convinced they will or will not share something with those gathered.

At the end of the hour, the Quaker wedding certificate is read and signed by Ben and Rachel. Over the course of the evening, all who have gathered should make sure to sign it, as it will be framed and hung in Rachel and Ben’s home. Following the signing, an elder shakes the hand of the person next to him or her. We all then exchange handshakes, hugs, or kisses, and proceed onwards to the food and the dancing.

Don’t worry! We’ve got you covered.

It’s a good idea to:
- leave some prayerful silence between messages so folks can consider each message
- give a message if you are moved
- remain silent if you are not moved
- listen to the messages

You should generally refrain from:
- arguing with a previous message
- speaking more than once in meeting
- feeling bad if you haven’t been moved to give a message

The best way to feel comfortable with Quaker practice is...attending a Quaker meeting! They are very welcoming of visitors and won’t proselytize or bite. Find a Quaker meeting here.

Yes! Please feel free to.

For our wedding, we suggest that people wear formal attire and dancing shoes. By formal attire, we mean a shirt and tie, a skirt, a dress, a pantsuit, or the like.

(Note that Friends generally do not dress up for meeting. Also note that that Quaker weddings vary widely; folks dress up more or less depending on the particular wedding.)

No worries! We’ll have options for kids, both in worship and outside of it. If your kids make noise, remember, they might be moved to do so and please consider that ministry with at least the same openness you would have for an adult.

The Religious Society of Friends emerged in the 1600s out of a belief that every person could have a direct and immediate connection to God, without the need for hired clergy or other intermediaries. In fact, someone made a great video about one of the founder’s beliefs.

Although the formal name for the movement is the Religious Society of Friends (as in, Friends of Truth, referring to John 15:15), they were nicknamed Quakers when a founding member (George Fox) got into a dispute with some local authority. Fox railed at the judge to "tremble at the word of God." The judge replied by sarcastically calling the movement "Quakers." The name stuck.

We rhyme! Other than that, not particularly. Especially note that Shakers don’t marry.

Quakers don’t have a creed, but by and large, liberal Friends believe that all have a direct connection to God and that spiritual growth can be found by pursuing the Inner Light. This means that we have no need for priests, sacraments, rituals, or creeds. This has led us to believe in equality across class barriers, working for peace in times of war, blunt honesty, and that all who are open to the promptings of the Spirit are members of the priesthood. You can read more about Quakerism here.

Nope! We drink, embrace technology, wear pants, and eat only a normal amount of oatmeal.

Glad you asked! Ben made a movie about George Fox and then created a webpage with some resources about Quakers. Wikipedia and Religious Tolerance have great articles.

There’s been a lot of non-fiction books and fiction books about Quakers, too.

They’re based on material written by our friend Rosemary Zimmermann as well as a few other folks. We thank them!

Sure! Have three. They’re even oatmeal.